Laura A. Birdmiller
Bird bird bird bird, #14
Fitchbird, WI 53713
Email:kiwi@kiwi.com
Overview:
• Passionate team-bird, bird-oriented and willing to bird hard.
• Slow bird, unable to fly.
• Small and almost round.
• Committed to eating seeds and not flying.
Education:
August 2011- June 2015 Carleton Birdege
Northbird, MN
GPA: 6 lbs of seed, Honors in Flightlessness
August 2007- June 2011 The Culver Abirdemies
Culbird, IN
GPA: 7 lbs of seed, Honors in Poor Ability to Escape Predators
Prior Experience:
June 2010- August 2010 Bookstore Kakapo, Culver Academies
Found a new island to inhabit! No predators! This is so exciting! I will grow fat and happy here!
August 2012- June 2015 Resident Bird, Carleton College
Shortened bones and gained weight in order to conserve unnecessary energy wasted on flight. Developed a co-dependence on a rare plant in order to mate. This will turn out well!
June- November 2015 Quality Abirdance, Ep-bird
Was unable to deal with the arrival of mammalian predators and competitors. Habitat quickly destroyed. Now hiding on small off-shore islands.
Additional Skills
• Proficient in being small, falling out of trees, and attempting to trample my foes.
• Studied being a bird for seven years including time in a tree.
• Avid and passionate bird both abroad and in the United States.
• Experience as a cute adorable bird with no ability to protect myself from change.
This may be the greatest blogpost I’ve ever read. Seriously.
(PS I’m glad you left Epic! If you decide to move to NYC you have a friend 🙂 )
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