It’s been a hectic two weeks. Two weeks since I doused myself in the shower at midnight. Two weeks since I declared once again that my life is my life is my life and at the end of it the only person I have to answer to is myself.
So, in the intervening two weeks, I’ve done a bit: I put in my two weeks notice at Blue Bottle, I participated in my second real-life reading, and I bought my very own domain. Yeah, that’s right. If you ever get the urge to see what I’m up to, you can now just go to lfreymiller.com. That’s mine. It’s me.
It’s been a lot. I’ve felt the full range of my emotions: sad, joyful, terrified, invigorated, frustrated, confused, and most of the time lost. It seems that even as I take a step forward, I somehow lose track of my feet. So I just have to take another step forward and hope that they’re still down there somewhere.
I quit Blue Bottle. I have been thinking about it a lot these past few months. I need a job, yes, but I no longer think this company is the right fit for me. I depart into a new and brighter future. Certainly I will miss my friends and the delicious coffee. Certainly I will not miss other aspects. More on that later.
In a month, less than a month, I will be traveling to Europe. First Berlin then Bremen then Frankfurt then Wiesbaden then Amsterdam then London then Oxford and then home. I don’t know how I’ll manage that in actual real life, but I have my tickets and my hostels so it’s going to happen one way or the other. One foot in front of the next even if I can’t see them.
I’ve been waiting what seems like my whole life to visit Berlin and to see Professor Tolkien’s grave. I am beyond excited and beyond terrified as this will be my first solo trip abroad. I think I need the perspective right now, though, to figure out what comes next.
I know I want to make a living through my writing, but I’m still in that constant process of finding out what that looks like.
As always, grateful to all those who are with me on this strange and inimitable journey.