The days seem to be moving like water. I no longer have any sense of direction.
I will be moving to Idaho in a little more than three weeks. That seems to stand as a sort of gateway, and past it I have no idea what the world will look like.
My grandma is doing worse again today. She has returned to the hospice center.
I feel a little like my philodendron right now. It grows in this really haphazard sort of way. I tried to train it to move in certain directions, but it stubbornly has a mind of its own.
I keep fighting between the urge to do something “useful” and the desire to take time to process what has been going on recently. Most of the time I end up somewhere in the middle doing nothing.
I haven’t been writing fiction for a long time. That part of my brain has just shut down temporarily. That’s really difficult for me to accept, but I know it’s just a part of the processing.
There will come a point when I write about this, but it is not right now and that is okay.
I don’t know that I have anything more to say tonight.
Scout remains cute. I got a chance to see pictures of my cousin’s new-born baby. That was very sweet. It was nice to be reminded that there is still new life even in times like this.
Love to you all,