Didn’t sleep well last night. Woke up at 2:30ish. For a moment, looking out my window, I thought it was morning. The streetlamps are so bright. The fog had that tornado-yellow hue. But the birds weren’t singing yet and my phone said it was 2:30.
I sat for a while with my window slightly open. The breeze carried the distant smell of the ocean and the closer feeling of rain. I fell asleep for a bit and when I woke up again a few hours later, the promised rain was there. Not the kind of California drizzle to which I have become accustomed, but what seemed to me a real and genuine rain. Sheets of water passing under the streetlamps. It was truly beautiful.
I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Again, I was awake at 2:30AM. Not all of me is present and accounted for. But I felt this odd sense of calm.
I was asked to give my sister some words of wisdom in honor of her graduation, and while I don’t really go in for giving advice (I don’t think I know anything and I don’t think even if I did that it will help to pass it down authoritatively. In my experience, wisdom has to be lived through and can’t be instructed), I did share that I’ve had a lot of uncertainty in my life. And the best way I know to handle uncertainty is to recognize it as a friend.
Sitting in the middle of a rainstorm, you can embrace the calm.
Unfortunately, this was misinterpreted by other minds as a call to inaction. Which, if anyone knows my life, is certainly not what I am about.
I simply meant that acceptance of the universe and our place within it can bring a sense of peace to an otherwise chaotic situation. This in turn might allow for more measured action.
But it’s difficult to explain things to people who don’t want to listen.
And perhaps not very important.
My sister knew what I was getting at anyway. (Or I hope she did.)
So, friends, I suppose that’s all for today. I took Scout on another brief meander with his harness. We’re working on becoming more comfortable with it.
I also started writing a new short story in the midst of my insomnia. I continued working on it today and I’m really enjoying it so far. I’m trying something very weird with the point of view. It might just be unbearable to read but I appreciate the way it is making my mind work.
Sending lots of love,