This was going to be a piece of fan-fiction, inspired by my mother, detailing the impeachment of the Flaming Cheeto due to the expert sleuthing of England's favorite old maid. But in thinking of writing that piece, I realized I wanted to write this piece instead. Sorry, Ma! I've read some Agatha Christie in my … Continue reading Miss Marple and the Trump Regime
Freakouts and Geekouts
On Being Human and Eating Doughnuts
People frequently ask me why I do things. "Why are you cutting off all your hair?" "Why are you moving to California?" "Why are you biting my leg?" And quite frequently my response is "I don't know. It just seemed like the thing to do." As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, I've come to … Continue reading On Being Human and Eating Doughnuts
Be Like Water
I'm about to turn twenty-four. Which is just something that happens, I suppose. In my twenty-four years of living, I've thought about a lot of things and done a number of things and come to a very, very few conclusions. One thing that has always been important to me, though, is water. Not only from … Continue reading Be Like Water
This is Not What “Change” Looks Like
This is what a kleptocracy looks like. So, if you happened to vote in this past election for the orange thing (I'm going to show it as much respect as it has shown me and my compatriots), and you don't believe yourself to be racist or homophobic (HA), you probably voted because you wanted to … Continue reading This is Not What “Change” Looks Like
Signs You May Be a Bookish Human
Yep, I'm still here. Still searching for a job and a place to live. Still scared out of my mind most days. Still angry. Still ranting. Still writing. I thought I'd write a fluff post for the fun of it. It's a list, because I guess we all think in lists now. Signs You May … Continue reading Signs You May Be a Bookish Human
Letter to Those About to Graduate
I was going to write all my 2016 friends letters, but I'm lazy and would probably repeat a lot of the same information and, let's face it, I'm just a terrible friend. So here's this sad offering instead. Michelle, Tim, Casey, Sofia, Libby, and, yes, Jim, I'm looking at you. First of all, congratulations! Take … Continue reading Letter to Those About to Graduate
All My Single People
Last Sunday was Valentine's Day. The night before I was with some friends, I imbibed some alcohol, I complained about boys. I came home and I wrote the following Facebook status: "I'm a woman. I'm single. I love it. Deal with it." I woke up the next morning, looked at said status and initially felt … Continue reading All My Single People
This I Believe Revisited
In my freshman year of high school, my humanities teacher, one of the coolest people I know, asked us all to write a "This I Believe" statement a la the NPR segment. I wrote then about feeding our cat Kitty/Jake (probably should write a blogpost bout that too someday). I'd like to write now about … Continue reading This I Believe Revisited
An Open Letter to Whoever Needs It
My life has sucked recently. It's partially my fault as these things always are and partially just the universe being an asshole as it always is. Life can be really, really bitterly unfair. So this is a letter to whoever needs it. To everyone who I can't talk to in person right now for whatever … Continue reading An Open Letter to Whoever Needs It
Seeking Position: Becoming a Small Flightless Bird
Laura A. Birdmiller Bird bird bird bird, #14 Fitchbird, WI 53713 Email:kiwi@kiwi.com Overview: • Passionate team-bird, bird-oriented and willing to bird hard. • Slow bird, unable to fly. • Small and almost round. • Committed to eating seeds and not flying. Education: August 2011- June 2015 Carleton Birdege Northbird, MN GPA: 6 lbs of seed, … Continue reading Seeking Position: Becoming a Small Flightless Bird
